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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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KFC Selling Sandwich-Shaped Meteorite

To mark the launch of its new online store, fast-food chain KFC is selling a 9.5-pound iron meteorite carved to resemble a Zinger Chicken Sandwich, which costs $20,000. What do you think?

  • “I can’t imagine anyone who would pay more than $18,000 for that.”

    Madeline Perkins Faith-Based Geologist
  • “Who hasn’t gazed up at the stars and dreamed of touching a piece of infinity carved into the shape of a fast-food menu item?”

    Kurt Vogl Chain Rattler
  • “I’m glad they’re finally selling healthier sandwiches.”

    James Sowieja Unemployed

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