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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.
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KFC Selling Sandwich-Shaped Meteorite

To mark the launch of its new online store, fast-food chain KFC is selling a 9.5-pound iron meteorite carved to resemble a Zinger Chicken Sandwich, which costs $20,000. What do you think?

  • “I can’t imagine anyone who would pay more than $18,000 for that.”

    Madeline Perkins Faith-Based Geologist
  • “Who hasn’t gazed up at the stars and dreamed of touching a piece of infinity carved into the shape of a fast-food menu item?”

    Kurt Vogl Chain Rattler
  • “I’m glad they’re finally selling healthier sandwiches.”

    James Sowieja Unemployed

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