adBlockCheck

Recent News

‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
End Of Section
  • More News

Kids Snorting Smarties Candies In Nationwide Trend

Goaded by thousands of online videos showing the practice, middle school kids across the U.S. have reportedly been crushing up Smarties candies into powder and snorting them, though health officials warn of possibly serious side effects. What do you think?

  • “Middle school is a truly confusing time.”

    Valerie Kleiser Domain Name Registrar
  • “Man, those kids are going to feel so dumb when they find out they’re contradicting U.S. health officials.”

    Henry Salant Production Supervisor
  • “This is what happens when you take their cigarettes.”

    Francis Benjamin Traffic Engineer

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close