Kids Using Drugs To Study

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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

Man Races Against Time To Take Out Trash Bag With Widening Puncture

RIO RANCHO, NM—His pace steadily quickening as he rounded the corner out of his kitchen and made a beeline for the front door, local man Henry Parnasse reportedly found himself locked in a race against time Wednesday morning to take out a trash bag with a widening hole in its side.
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Kids Using Drugs To Study

Studies show that more and more college students are abusing prescription ADHD drugs like Adderall and Ritalin to help them study. What do you think?
  • "Slippage in grades is a sure sign your child may not be on drugs."

    Ed Wills
    Driver
  • "These drugs help them study? Wow. Turns out drugs aren't cool after all."

    Jeffrey Stuart
    Surgeon
  • "Taking Ritalin to study is very dangerous. If you let your focus drift, you'll spend the night scrubbing your telephone."

    Danielle Carlson
    Novelist
  • "It turns out the main ingredient in Adderall is dextroamphetamine. So all these years, long-haul truckers have been a vast, untapped intellectual resource?"

    Scott Wolman
    Cashier
  • "Hell, I don't blame them. Back in law school, I had to take all kinds of drugs just to be able to appreciate art and music."

    Stephen Underhill
    Lawyer
  • "When I was a kid, we didn't have drugs to help us study. If we wanted to get good grades, we had no choice but to stop getting drunk."

    Dana Williams
    Personal Shopper