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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Killer Asteroid In 2036?

Apopohis, an asteroid that measures over a quarter-mile wide, may be on course to hit Earth with the force of 100,000 Hiroshima-sized atomic blasts in 2036. What do you think?
  • "Boy, that's a really long time to scream my head off in terror...but here goes."

    Tim Struble Glass Blower
  • "I hear a mission is being planned to intercept and destroy the asteroid. All I can say is: not with my tax dollars."

    Jeff Leyda Programmer
  • "This sounds like something that would have to be co-managed by NASA and FEMA. God help us all."

    Tanya Hillington Archer

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