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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Killer Asteroid In 2036?

Apopohis, an asteroid that measures over a quarter-mile wide, may be on course to hit Earth with the force of 100,000 Hiroshima-sized atomic blasts in 2036. What do you think?
  • "Boy, that's a really long time to scream my head off in terror...but here goes."

    Tim Struble Glass Blower
  • "I hear a mission is being planned to intercept and destroy the asteroid. All I can say is: not with my tax dollars."

    Jeff Leyda Programmer
  • "This sounds like something that would have to be co-managed by NASA and FEMA. God help us all."

    Tanya Hillington Archer
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