Killer Asteroid In 2036?

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Vol 41 Issue 51

Is Wikipedia Unreliable?

An incident in which a former Tennessee publisher was linked to the Kennedy assassination on Wikipedia has called the accuracy of the user-edited...

Bin Laden Not In Control?

According to the U.S. envoy to Pakistan, Osama bin Laden may no longer be in control of al-Qaeda. What do you think?

How Very Special

I don't have to tell you Jeanketeers that Christmas is just around the corner, which means it's time for—you got it—TV Christmas...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Killer Asteroid In 2036?

Apopohis, an asteroid that measures over a quarter-mile wide, may be on course to hit Earth with the force of 100,000 Hiroshima-sized atomic blasts in 2036. What do you think?
  • "Boy, that's a really long time to scream my head off in terror...but here goes."

    Tim Struble
    Glass Blower
  • "I hear a mission is being planned to intercept and destroy the asteroid. All I can say is: not with my tax dollars."

    Jeff Leyda
    Programmer
  • "This sounds like something that would have to be co-managed by NASA and FEMA. God help us all."

    Tanya Hillington
    Archer
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