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Nobel Committee Awards Self Peace Prize For Once

‘Sometimes You Just Need To Treat Yourself,’ Sources Say

OSLO, NORWAY—Saying there was nothing wrong with treating yourself for a change, the Norwegian Nobel Committee announced Friday that it was awarding the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize to itself for once.

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.
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Kim Jong Il In Control Of North Korea

Despite speculation to the contrary, White House national security adviser James L. Jones said Sunday that North Korean president Kim Jong Il has full range of his faculties. What do you think?

  • "That's right. He has full range of his completely insane faculties."

    Chris James Repo Man
  • "Damn. I guess my job hunt continues."

    Jean Broad Unemployed
  • "He's doing so great that he even has this chair that rolls him wherever he wants to go and this super-cool machine that breathes for him."

    William Towe Carpenter

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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

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