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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Kim Kardashian Appearance Protested In Bahrain

Appearing in Bahrain to promote a new milkshake franchise called Millions of Milkshakes, celebrity socialite Kim Kardashian reportedly drew thousands of fans as well as at least 50 Islamist protesters, who the police repelled with tear gas. What do you think?

  • “How is that possible when everyone knows it’s Khloé who’s the real bitch?”

    Candy Lynch Flower Cutter
  • “That’s pretty ungrateful for a community that just got a new milkshake franchise.”

    Charles Heinz Casting Director
  • “Well, whether you love her or hate her, there’s something wrong with you.”

    Vic Gaynor Construction Inspector

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