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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Kim Kardashian Appearance Protested In Bahrain

Appearing in Bahrain to promote a new milkshake franchise called Millions of Milkshakes, celebrity socialite Kim Kardashian reportedly drew thousands of fans as well as at least 50 Islamist protesters, who the police repelled with tear gas. What do you think?

  • “How is that possible when everyone knows it’s Khloé who’s the real bitch?”

    Candy Lynch Flower Cutter
  • “That’s pretty ungrateful for a community that just got a new milkshake franchise.”

    Charles Heinz Casting Director
  • “Well, whether you love her or hate her, there’s something wrong with you.”

    Vic Gaynor Construction Inspector

More from this section

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.

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