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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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KKK Recruiting Kids By Handing Out Candy

According to residents of a South Carolina town, the Ku Klux Klan has been attempting to recruit children into its ranks by going to neighborhoods and leaving out bags of candy containing slips of paper with the words “Save Our Land, Join The Klan” and a phone number leading to automated anti-immigrant messages. What do you think?

  • “Their methods may be questionable, but their message is beyond reproach.”

    John Sewell Molder Operator
  • “Oh, no! I hope these aren’t getting mixed up with the candy-filled welcome bags I’ve been leaving around for immigrants.”

    Ian Palvin Home Theater Technician
  • “My kids know to only accept candy from tolerant strangers.”

    Rebecca Whyte Phototherapy Expert

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