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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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‘Knee Defender’ Passenger Fight Diverts Entire Plane

A flight from New Jersey to Denver was diverted to Chicago after a passenger used a device called a “knee defender,” which prevented the person in the seat in front of him from reclining, inciting her to turn around and throw water in his face. What do you think?

  • “New Jersey to Denver’s usually so fun!”

    Ellen Greenlee Unemployed
  • “It may have inconvenienced everyone else on the plane, but it’s still kind of inspiring that two people like this managed to find each other.”

    Edward Irvine Gift Wrapper
  • “Well, at least all the other passengers got an extra hour and a half of travel time out of the ordeal.”

    Philip Roundtree Errand Runner

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