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Kobe Bryant Case Dismissed

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Universe Crueler, More Uncaring Place Than Previously Thought

The universe, long known as a bleak and unforgiving place where essentially nothing matters, is in fact even crueler and more heartless than previously thought, according to a startling report published Tuesday by scientists at the Institute for Advanced ...

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

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Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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Kobe Bryant Case Dismissed

Last week, prosecutors dropped the felony sexual-assault charge against basketball star Kobe Bryant. What do you think?
  • "Well, there you have it. The system works."

    Sandy Miller Teacher
  • "All you people who have been clamoring for a pro athlete who's not a convicted felon, here's your man."

    Amy O'Keefe Studio Musician
  • "At last, Kobe is vindicated before the eyes of the nation: He's not a rapist; he just constantly cheats on his wife."

    James Tompkins Lawyer
  • "He's still guilty of losing to the no-name Detroit Pistons in the NBA Finals."

    Eric Mills Chef
  • "Every time a black man gets famous, they try to drag him down. But every time a woman asserts herself, they call her a slut. So I'm torn."

    Michael Bartko Systems Analyst
  • "Could they at least tell us if he did it or not?"

    Jeffrey Larsen Mayor

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