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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Kobe Bryant Case Dismissed

Last week, prosecutors dropped the felony sexual-assault charge against basketball star Kobe Bryant. What do you think?
  • "Well, there you have it. The system works."

    Sandy Miller Teacher
  • "All you people who have been clamoring for a pro athlete who's not a convicted felon, here's your man."

    Amy O'Keefe Studio Musician
  • "At last, Kobe is vindicated before the eyes of the nation: He's not a rapist; he just constantly cheats on his wife."

    James Tompkins Lawyer
  • "He's still guilty of losing to the no-name Detroit Pistons in the NBA Finals."

    Eric Mills Chef
  • "Every time a black man gets famous, they try to drag him down. But every time a woman asserts herself, they call her a slut. So I'm torn."

    Michael Bartko Systems Analyst
  • "Could they at least tell us if he did it or not?"

    Jeffrey Larsen Mayor

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