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After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Kosher Plant Cited For Child Labor

Investigators uncovered 57 child labor violations at a kosher meatpacking facility in Iowa. What do you think?
  • "Is 57 the number of child labor violations it takes to make something kosher?"

    Ken Smith Systems Analyst
  • "Man, having to slaughter animals by the kosher process of a single cut across the throat to a precise depth, severing both carotid arteries, both the jugular veins, the vagus nerves, the trachea and the esophagus, no higher than the epiglottis and no lower than where the cilia begin inside the trachea, thus causing the animal to bleed to death would probably really fuck you up as a kid.”

    Carol Williams Quality Control Inspector
  • "Nothing's going to happen, though. Everyone knows that Jews control the kosher-meatpacking-facility media."

    Bix Blumenthal Haberdasher

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