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Kosovo Independence Rankles Nations

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‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.

National Security Experts: ‘ISIS Are Fucking Assholes’

WASHINGTON—Updating the public about the deadly attacks carried out in Brussels yesterday by members of the Syria-based jihadist group, national security experts held a press conference in Washington this morning to notify Americans that ISIS are fucking assholes.
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Kosovo Independence Rankles Nations

The news of Kosovo’s secession from Serbia has been met with concern by countries such as China and Spain. What do you think?
  • "If Kosovo becomes independent, Taiwan might follow and then China would only have 3.68 of its current 3.7 million square miles."

    Jason Madden Steamroller Operator
  • "Though I know very little of their politics and current world view, I'm going to trust my sense memory of the word 'Kosovo' and assume this is bad."

    Terry Plumber Plumber
  • "I just knew things would go to hell when they removed Milosevic from power."

    Maxine De LaForcade Train Conductor

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