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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Kurt Vonnegut Dead

Kurt Vonnegut, author of The Sirens of Titan and Slaughterhouse-Five, died late Wednesday evening of head injuries sustained in a fall earlier this year. What do you think?
  • "Who's going to be the next century's voice of confusion and dread? Nancy Grace can't last forever."

    Lee Marlowe Accounts Clerk
  • "Are we totally, absolutely sure he's not alive? I just think it'd be silly to accept his death without checking Dresden for his younger self first."

    Lacey Janson Teacher's Assistant
  • "So it goes."

    Arthur Quigle Limousine Driver

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