Kuwait To Medically ‘Detect’ Gay Visitors, Expel Them

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Group Of Christie Campaign Deserters Found In Forest

SHAMONG, NJ—Huddling together around fires of burning yard signs while sipping small rations of soup from mugs adorned with the phrase “Telling It Like It Is,” a ragged encampment of advisers, pollsters, and volunteers who deserted Chris Christie’s presidential campaign was reportedly found living deep in a New Jersey forest Friday, authorities confirmed.

How To Talk To Your Child About Sex

It’s not easy to decide when and how to have a discussion with children about sex, and many parents wonder how explicit they should be or where to establish boundaries. Here are The Onion’s tips for having “the talk” with your kids:

How To Reform The Nation’s Prison System

With pressing issues such as overcrowding, overuse of solitary confinement, and the long-term incarceration of nonviolent offenders, many critics of the nation’s prison system are calling for sweeping reforms. Here are some of the proposals to improve the prison system:

Sight Of 400 War Elephants On Horizon Marks Hillary Clinton’s Arrival In Swing State

WHEELING, OH—Feeling the earth shake beneath them as they watched the procession climb over the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains toward their village, sources along the Ohio border confirmed Thursday that the sight of 400 war elephants marching on the horizon marked Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton’s arrival to the critical swing state.
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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Kuwait To Medically ‘Detect’ Gay Visitors, Expel Them

Kuwaiti officials said that the country will use medical tests that they claim can “detect” homosexuality when assessing expatriates attempting to enter their borders, with those who test positive for homosexuality being barred from entry. What do you think?

  • “That is some cutting-edge bigotry.”

    Sven Lamb
  • “Is this one of those ‘if your hand is bigger than your face’ tricks where they smack your hand into your nose?”

    Juliet Bush
    Metallurgical Technician
  • “But that’s not fair to super-straight guys like me with really gay urine.”

    Kurt Orsatti
    Enrobing Machine Operator