After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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L.A. Catholic Priest Scandal

The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles released records showing that known child-molesting priests were often allowed to continue practicing their ministry, or simply transferred to other parishes in the diocese. What do you think?
  • "These priests really need to read the entirety of St. Augustine's Confessions and not just the sex parts."

    Allison Wrightman Nursery Operator
  • "That would explain the unusually high Sunday school grades that have been handed out over the last 30 years."

    Francis Colman Alderman
  • "Well, it's like Jesus said: ‘Whenever two men come together as one all over an altar boy's back in My name, there is My Church.'"

    Evan Swaney Systems Analyst

After Birth

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