L.A. Catholic Priest Scandal

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After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

How To Adopt A Child

Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:

The Pros And Cons Of Helicopter Parenting

The rising trend of “helicopter parenting,” or hovering over a child’s educational, social, extracurricular, and home life, has been praised by some as true dedication to one’s kids and decried by others for potentially smothering a child’s independent development. Here are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting

Conductor Fatigue Blamed In Massive Model Train Crash

BLOOMINGTON, IN—After surveying the dozen railcars and cargo of Lincoln Logs strewn haphazardly across the grass mat, investigators concluded Friday that a massive model train derailment was the result of conductor fatigue.
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L.A. Catholic Priest Scandal

The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles released records showing that known child-molesting priests were often allowed to continue practicing their ministry, or simply transferred to other parishes in the diocese. What do you think?
  • "These priests really need to read the entirety of St. Augustine's Confessions and not just the sex parts."

    Allison Wrightman Nursery Operator
  • "That would explain the unusually high Sunday school grades that have been handed out over the last 30 years."

    Francis Colman Alderman
  • "Well, it's like Jesus said: ‘Whenever two men come together as one all over an altar boy's back in My name, there is My Church.'"

    Evan Swaney Systems Analyst

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