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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Lady Gaga Barred From Indonesia

Following numerous religious protests, Indonesian officials have refused to issue a permit for Lady Gaga to perform in Jakarta next month. What do you think?

  • “Oh, man, that’s too bad. I bet she was going to dress up like something weird.”

    Quinn Palmer Systems Analyst
  • "Fuck, do you know how hard it is to get a refund from Indonesian Ticketmaster?"

    Gabriel King Buffing Machine Operator
  • "As Eddie Money’s booking agent, I can confirm he is available to step in to fill her commitments. Seriously, he’s got a bag packed and everything."

    Marc Taylor Booking Agent
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