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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Laptops Contributed To Pilot Error

Federal safety investigators are citing use of laptop computers among the factors that caused a Northwest Airlines pilot and copilot to become distracted and overshoot their destination of Minneapolis by 150 miles. What do you think?
  • "Well, flying Northwest is such a pleasure that I'm sure most passengers would jump at the chance to log an extra 150 miles with the airline."

    Alexis Carter Aperture Mask-Etcher
  • "I remember a simpler time when tipsy pilots were busy clinking glasses together instead of looking at websites as they sailed past their destinations."

    Davis Sheedy Machine Operator
  • "It could have been worse. That plane could have been going to Barcelona. Can you imagine missing Barcelona?! So frustrating."

    Ryan Hayes Systems Analyst
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