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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Larry King To Host Show On Russian TV

Larry King, the legendary 79-year-old news personality who retired from CNN in 2010, will host a new public affairs talk show called Politics With Larry King on the Russian state-funded television network RT starting in June. What do you think?

  • “I’m just not sure Russians will be able to understand Larry’s hip, modern American sensibilities.”

    Jose Mata Data Recovery Technician
  • “But will he be able to hold his own bantering with stars like Julia Vysotskaya and Natalya Bochkareva?”

    Shari Elvin Fish Farmer
  • “I’d always hoped Larry would die on American television."

    Tim Gilmore Stenographer

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