Last American WWI Veteran Dies

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Vol 47 Issue 09

MLB Quietly Euthanizes 120 Unnecessary Players

NEW YORK—In what it called a basic housecleaning move, Major League Baseball euthanized 120 players Wednesday, including Tyler Colvin, Nolan Reimold, and 118 others deemed inconsequential or redundant.

Sources Say Atlanta Thrashers 27-28-11

ATLANTA—Sources from within the Atlanta Thrashers organization indicated Thursday that the team currently ranks 11th in the Eastern Conference standings with a record of 27-28-11.

Dead Teenager Remembered For Great Hand Jobs

GOLDSBORO, NC—Friends, classmates, and loved ones gathered last night at a memorial service in the Westside High School gymnasium to celebrate the life of 17-year-old Brooke Belzer, who, before she died tragically in a car accident last week, was beloved for her bright personality and for giving easily the best hand jobs in the school.
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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Last American WWI Veteran Dies

Frank Buckles, the last living American World War I veteran, died on his West Virginia farm at 110. What do you think?

  • "Noted. And what losses on the Austro-Hungarian side?"

    Pauline Grimley
    Systems Analyst
  • "Now we will have nobody to ignore on Armistice Day."

    Connor Rae
    X-Ray Technician
  • "I'm going to march right down to the DMV today and ask that old clerk about Vietnam before it’s too late."

    Dave Ratter
    Unemployed
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