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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Last American WWI Veteran Dies

Frank Buckles, the last living American World War I veteran, died on his West Virginia farm at 110. What do you think?

  • "Noted. And what losses on the Austro-Hungarian side?"

    Pauline Grimley Systems Analyst
  • "Now we will have nobody to ignore on Armistice Day."

    Connor Rae X-Ray Technician
  • "I'm going to march right down to the DMV today and ask that old clerk about Vietnam before it’s too late."

    Dave Ratter Unemployed

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