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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Last American WWI Veteran Dies

Frank Buckles, the last living American World War I veteran, died on his West Virginia farm at 110. What do you think?

  • "Noted. And what losses on the Austro-Hungarian side?"

    Pauline Grimley Systems Analyst
  • "Now we will have nobody to ignore on Armistice Day."

    Connor Rae X-Ray Technician
  • "I'm going to march right down to the DMV today and ask that old clerk about Vietnam before it’s too late."

    Dave Ratter Unemployed

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