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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
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Latest Apple Maps Leaves Out Mass Transit

The latest mobile operating system for the iPhone and iPad has drawn criticism for omitting public transportation options from its Maps application. What do you think?

  • "To be honest, I'd be a little embarrassed if my iPhone knew I was using public transportation."

    Sid Johnson Temp Secretary
  • "There’s an app for that! Ha-ha! Oh, wait, there isn’t? This is the first time that joke has ever let me down."

    Becky Evans Corn Detassler
  • "As someone whose consumer choices are meant to reflect a progressive world view, this comes as a disappointment."

    Roy Kirsch Busboy

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