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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Law Allows Abandoning Teens

A Nebraska law designed to protect newborns and infants has instead allowed parents to abandon children up to age 19 at hospitals. What do you think?

  • "That's outrageous. Hospitals aren't supposed to be like a common casino parking lot."

    Matt Witter Hardware Salesman
  • "Okay, but why not look on the bright side? Maybe some of those abandoned teens will quickly learn how to be doctors."

    David Myron Building Superintendent
  • "But raising kids is hard. I don't wanna do it. No! Stop it! You can't make me! I won't do it!"

    Kathryn Duno Telephone Operator

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