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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Law Allows Abandoning Teens

A Nebraska law designed to protect newborns and infants has instead allowed parents to abandon children up to age 19 at hospitals. What do you think?

  • "That's outrageous. Hospitals aren't supposed to be like a common casino parking lot."

    Matt Witter Hardware Salesman
  • "Okay, but why not look on the bright side? Maybe some of those abandoned teens will quickly learn how to be doctors."

    David Myron Building Superintendent
  • "But raising kids is hard. I don't wanna do it. No! Stop it! You can't make me! I won't do it!"

    Kathryn Duno Telephone Operator

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