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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Lawmaker Seeks To Ban U.S. Currency

Mike Pitts, a representative in the South Carolina legislature, has proposed a law that would replace dollars with gold and silver in his state. What do you think?
  • "My only hope is that they offer a favorable exchange rate with Confederate bills."

    Dana Asquith Systems Analyst
  • "I'm fine with it just as long as those fools at CVS melt me down the correct amount of change for once."

    Mark Bonnie Barber
  • "Sing ho, for the glories of bimetallism! With South Caroline on the side of Free Silver, there's no stopping us from repealing the Coinage Act and putting William Jennings Bryan in the White House in 1896! Huzzah!"

    Samuel Briottet Apothecary

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