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New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.
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Lawyer Sues Casinos Over Gambling Addiction

A former lawyer has named six Atlantic City casinos in a $20 million lawsuit claiming that they did not prevent her from losing nearly $1 million. What do you think?

  • "This lawsuit is completely unnecessary. She should realize that she can always still win it back."

    John Lally Student
  • "I thought Atlantic City was just a joke. Is that a real place?"

    Laura Fidao Foot Model
  • "I hope she loses, so she can sue the Justice Department for even more."

    Danny Fonseca Baggage Screener

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