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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Lawyer Sues Casinos Over Gambling Addiction

A former lawyer has named six Atlantic City casinos in a $20 million lawsuit claiming that they did not prevent her from losing nearly $1 million. What do you think?

  • "This lawsuit is completely unnecessary. She should realize that she can always still win it back."

    John Lally Student
  • "I thought Atlantic City was just a joke. Is that a real place?"

    Laura Fidao Foot Model
  • "I hope she loses, so she can sue the Justice Department for even more."

    Danny Fonseca Baggage Screener

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