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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Lay’s Debuts Chocolate-Covered Potato Chips

Frito-Lay will begin selling a milk-chocolate-covered version of its wavy-style potato chips this week, which will be available through the holiday season and will be priced at $3.49 for a five-ounce package. What do you think?

  • “Those will taste great in my holiday butter dip.”

    Marco Esposito Beeswax Blender
  • “Well, that simplifies my Christmas shopping a bit.”

    Del Garrett Systems Analyst
  • “I lost my dad this year, so the timing’s perfect.”

    Sharon Conrad Invertebrate Zoologist
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