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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Legalizing Mexican Labor

Last week, President Bush promised illegal Mexican immigrants a worker program to legalize their labor in the U.S., but not blanket amnesty. What do you think?
  • "You have to admire Bush's firm resolve to get American tables bused in an efficient, legal manner."

    Dan Hunt Systems Analyst
  • "As a fifth-generation Italian-American, I am opposed to any and all immigration."

    Gloria Goelz Homemaker
  • "I have been iffy on Mexicans ever since El Macho, the Thief of Hearts, stole away my lover true. Curse you, El Macho!"

    Peter Whitmire Roofer
  • "Let's get our parameters straight here: Are we talking about the kind of Mexicans who get into knife fights, or the kind that smile and refill your drink?"

    Marty Clash Electrician
  • "So Bush is not offering amnesty, but he is allowing them to work. And this is a bold stance because...?"

    Richard Nelson Stockbroker
  • "If the Mexicans are legalized, they can still be exploited, right?"

    Donna Gold Researcher

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