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Nobel Committee Awards Self Peace Prize For Once

‘Sometimes You Just Need To Treat Yourself,’ Sources Say

OSLO, NORWAY—Saying there was nothing wrong with treating yourself for a change, the Norwegian Nobel Committee announced Friday that it was awarding the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize to itself for once.

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.
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Legalizing Pot In Canada

Last week, a Canadian parliamentary committee recommended that the government legalize the use of marijuana. What do you think?
  • "If they do legalize pot, they're gonna be the world's number-one economic power in no time, 'cause you can make anything out of hemp."

    Dan Zorn Cashier
  • "The last thing we need is a glut of web sites explaining how, if you watch Strange Brew while listening to Rush's 2112, it all matches up."

    Erin Parker Biologist
  • "I just hope no marijuana slips into the U.S."

    Doris Atkinson Librarian
  • "I'm gonna toke up, sit back, and watch the geese."

    Bob Edwards Lawyer
  • "Yeah, I heard about that. They're doing the same thing in Canada."

    Cameron Davis Welder
  • "They're legalizing pot, plus they already have free health care and almost no crime? Now, why exactly do we always make fun of them, again?"

    Eric Donald Systems <br>Analyst

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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

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