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Legalizing Pot In Canada

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‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.

National Security Experts: ‘ISIS Are Fucking Assholes’

WASHINGTON—Updating the public about the deadly attacks carried out in Brussels yesterday by members of the Syria-based jihadist group, national security experts held a press conference in Washington this morning to notify Americans that ISIS are fucking assholes.

World Makes Final Attempt To Try To Understand This Shit

BRUSSELS—In the wake of the terrorist attacks in Brussels that left over 30 dead and more than 100 injured, an angry and frustrated global populace collectively announced Tuesday that it would make one last attempt to try to understand this shit.
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Legalizing Pot In Canada

Last week, a Canadian parliamentary committee recommended that the government legalize the use of marijuana. What do you think?
  • "If they do legalize pot, they're gonna be the world's number-one economic power in no time, 'cause you can make anything out of hemp."

    Dan Zorn Cashier
  • "The last thing we need is a glut of web sites explaining how, if you watch Strange Brew while listening to Rush's 2112, it all matches up."

    Erin Parker Biologist
  • "I just hope no marijuana slips into the U.S."

    Doris Atkinson Librarian
  • "I'm gonna toke up, sit back, and watch the geese."

    Bob Edwards Lawyer
  • "Yeah, I heard about that. They're doing the same thing in Canada."

    Cameron Davis Welder
  • "They're legalizing pot, plus they already have free health care and almost no crime? Now, why exactly do we always make fun of them, again?"

    Eric Donald Systems <br>Analyst

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