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Lego Introduces First Female Scientist Figure

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Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Lego Introduces First Female Scientist Figure

Lego, which has been accused of marketing their products almost exclusively to boys and playing into gender stereotypes, introduced its first female scientist Minifigure this week, though the ratio of male to female figures in the Lego universe remains roughly 4 to 1. What do you think?

  • “But how will young women deal with the pressure of getting that perfect brick-like body and interconnected head?”

    Calvin Goode Pavement Sealer
  • “Do they include the cosmetics laboratory where she works?”

    Elmer Choi Historical Society Administrator
  • “I’ve got a town full of Lego men who are going to be real happy about that.”

    Casper Faires Botanist

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