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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Lego Introduces First Female Scientist Figure

Lego, which has been accused of marketing their products almost exclusively to boys and playing into gender stereotypes, introduced its first female scientist Minifigure this week, though the ratio of male to female figures in the Lego universe remains roughly 4 to 1. What do you think?

  • “But how will young women deal with the pressure of getting that perfect brick-like body and interconnected head?”

    Calvin Goode Pavement Sealer
  • “Do they include the cosmetics laboratory where she works?”

    Elmer Choi Historical Society Administrator
  • “I’ve got a town full of Lego men who are going to be real happy about that.”

    Casper Faires Botanist

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