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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Lennon, 25 Years Gone

Today marks the 25th anniversary of the death of John Lennon. What do you think?
  • "I can't believe it's been 25 years already. It seems like only yesterday that Lennon was dead for nine years."

    Jesse Robbins Actuary
  • "It's too bad he couldn't live to see himself in an ad for Apple."

    Nate McConarty Corrections Officer
  • "Damn. Now there's going to be another special edition of Catcher In the Rye, and I'll have to get this one, too."

    Phoebe Plagens Guest Services

More from this section

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.

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