Leonardo DiCaprio Auctions Off Trip To Space With Him

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Horrifying Police Body Camera Footage Clearly Shows Current State Of America

CINCINNATI—Following a traffic stop earlier this month by a University of Cincinnati police officer that ended in the shooting death of an unarmed black motorist, authorities confirmed Thursday that the disturbing video recorded by the officer’s body camera clearly and graphically shows the current state of America.

Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.
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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

Leonardo DiCaprio Auctions Off Trip To Space With Him

At the annual Foundation for Aids Research auction on Thursday, Leonardo DiCaprio auctioned off a trip accompanying him to outer space in 2015 for more than $1 million. What do you think?

  • “I’m a little short on cash. How much to go with Casey Affleck?”

    Barry Conover
    Systems Analyst
  • “But 2015 is when I’m going to the center of the earth with Robert Redford.”

    Elizabeth Morin
    Line Cook
  • “I don’t have that kind of money, but I can toss in my Aviator 2 script, which will make 10 times that if done right.”

    Perry Granger
    Slaughterhouse Supervisor