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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Lesbian Teen Suing School Over Prom

A Mississippi high school senior is filing suit against her local school board, which canceled its prom after she challenged its policy against same-sex dates. What do you think?
  • "I'll put up streamers and play Black Eyed Peas all night if they want to come over to my house and kiss."

    David Pierson Systems Analyst
  • "I have to say, canceling the prom was a pretty ingenious way for the school to make it seem like the girl is the bad guy in this situation."

    Natalia Cohen Safety Inspector
  • "Obviously, you can't have a lesbian couple at prom. Their softball cleats would ruin the gym floor."

    Jacob Brooks Unemployed

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