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Lesbian Teen Suing School Over Prom

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Lesbian Teen Suing School Over Prom

A Mississippi high school senior is filing suit against her local school board, which canceled its prom after she challenged its policy against same-sex dates. What do you think?
  • "I'll put up streamers and play Black Eyed Peas all night if they want to come over to my house and kiss."

    David Pierson Systems Analyst
  • "I have to say, canceling the prom was a pretty ingenious way for the school to make it seem like the girl is the bad guy in this situation."

    Natalia Cohen Safety Inspector
  • "Obviously, you can't have a lesbian couple at prom. Their softball cleats would ruin the gym floor."

    Jacob Brooks Unemployed

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