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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Lesbian Teen Suing School Over Prom

A Mississippi high school senior is filing suit against her local school board, which canceled its prom after she challenged its policy against same-sex dates. What do you think?
  • "I'll put up streamers and play Black Eyed Peas all night if they want to come over to my house and kiss."

    David Pierson Systems Analyst
  • "I have to say, canceling the prom was a pretty ingenious way for the school to make it seem like the girl is the bad guy in this situation."

    Natalia Cohen Safety Inspector
  • "Obviously, you can't have a lesbian couple at prom. Their softball cleats would ruin the gym floor."

    Jacob Brooks Unemployed

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