adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Less Than 1 In 4 Americans Trust Newspapers

A Gallup poll found that only 23 percent of Americans are confident in the information they receive from newspapers, down from a high of 51 percent in 1979. What do you think?

  • “I don’t believe you. Fuck off.”

    Gilbert Bleuze Systems Analyst
  • “Well, we won’t have to worry about them much longer.”

    Joyce Willmus Cloth Shearer
  • “I don’t trust any publication that uses paper that flimsy.”

    Colin Holden Mercury Purifier

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close