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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Letters Containing Deadly Poison Sent To President, Senator

A white granular substance identified as ricin, a potentially lethal poison, has been found in suspicious letters that were mailed to President Barack Obama, Sen. Roger Wicker (R-MS), and perhaps other lawmakers. What do you think?

  • “To be fair, some people have difficulty expressing their feelings in words.”

    Ian Foyle Systems Analyst
  • “This is why I’m not a national political figure.”

    Frank Hollowell Ring Maker
  • “I just sent the president a sample of this amazing flour I got. I should probably give him a heads-up.”

    Jade Galliford Mill Operator
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