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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Lewis Out For MDA Telethon

Despite a report that Jerry Lewis and the Muscular Dystrophy Association had reconciled, for the first time in 45 years the comedian will not be hosting the group's annual Labor Day Telethon. What do you think?

  • "Jerry Lewis is not doing the MDA telethon? Lewis, decorated for his achievements by the adoring French with the Croix d'Honneur des Téléthons Amusants?"

    Sharon Grant Systems Analyst
  • "I, for one, can't wait to see the new, undoubtedly hilarious update starring Eddie Murphy."

    Jayson Smith Denture Packer
  • "Well, too late. I already spent all my money on normal kids."

    Alex Denton Unemployed

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