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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:
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Lewis Out For MDA Telethon

Despite a report that Jerry Lewis and the Muscular Dystrophy Association had reconciled, for the first time in 45 years the comedian will not be hosting the group's annual Labor Day Telethon. What do you think?

  • "Jerry Lewis is not doing the MDA telethon? Lewis, decorated for his achievements by the adoring French with the Croix d'Honneur des Téléthons Amusants?"

    Sharon Grant Systems Analyst
  • "I, for one, can't wait to see the new, undoubtedly hilarious update starring Eddie Murphy."

    Jayson Smith Denture Packer
  • "Well, too late. I already spent all my money on normal kids."

    Alex Denton Unemployed

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