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Libyan Pilots Seek Asylum

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‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.

National Security Experts: ‘ISIS Are Fucking Assholes’

WASHINGTON—Updating the public about the deadly attacks carried out in Brussels yesterday by members of the Syria-based jihadist group, national security experts held a press conference in Washington this morning to notify Americans that ISIS are fucking assholes.
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Libyan Pilots Seek Asylum

After refusing to bomb a crowd of protesters, two Libyan air force pilots landed their jets in Malta and are now seeking political asylum. What do you think?

  • "This is a golden opportunity for the Maltese military to leapfrog to the cutting edge of 1950s French jet-fighter technology."

    Pam Verellen Garde-Manger
  • "This could make a great story. Is one of the pilots fussy, and the other one a big slob?"

    Andy Knudson Systems Analyst
  • "Hey, how come when I wanted to defect, Malta told me they were closed?"

    Ari Latona Unemployed

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