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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Lie-Detector Tests For Congress

The FBI wants members of Congress to take lie-detector tests in an investigation of leaked information regarding the Sept. 11 attacks. What do you think?
  • "I only support lie-detector tests for lawmakers if the questions are funny and embarrassing."

    John Pulliam Forklift Operator
  • "I hope they also get to the bottom of who has been taking Sen. Hagel's Diet Cokes from the fridge. It happened again today."

    Tom Allenby Senator
  • Young Woman "At last, Stage Three: out-of-control finger-pointing."

    Robyn Saunders Graduate <br>Student
  • "Are we going to treat our legislators like common white-collar criminals?"

    Dana <br>Wertheimer Homemaker
  • "Each time one of these lie-detector tests is given, it costs taxpayers $12,000. Okay, I just totally lied about that."

    Richard Leach Systems <br>Analyst
  • "All along, I've been saying Congress was involved in Sept. 11. But did anyone listen? No. Instead, I'm just dismissed as that crazy guy who lives under the overpass and shits in a KFC bucket."

    Edgar Wigand Unemployed

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