adBlockCheck

Politics

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.
End Of Section
  • More News

Lie-Detector Tests For Congress

The FBI wants members of Congress to take lie-detector tests in an investigation of leaked information regarding the Sept. 11 attacks. What do you think?
  • "I only support lie-detector tests for lawmakers if the questions are funny and embarrassing."

    John Pulliam Forklift Operator
  • "I hope they also get to the bottom of who has been taking Sen. Hagel's Diet Cokes from the fridge. It happened again today."

    Tom Allenby Senator
  • Young Woman "At last, Stage Three: out-of-control finger-pointing."

    Robyn Saunders Graduate <br>Student
  • "Are we going to treat our legislators like common white-collar criminals?"

    Dana <br>Wertheimer Homemaker
  • "Each time one of these lie-detector tests is given, it costs taxpayers $12,000. Okay, I just totally lied about that."

    Richard Leach Systems <br>Analyst
  • "All along, I've been saying Congress was involved in Sept. 11. But did anyone listen? No. Instead, I'm just dismissed as that crazy guy who lives under the overpass and shits in a KFC bucket."

    Edgar Wigand Unemployed

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close