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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Lieberman Defeated in Primary

Challenger Ned Lamont narrowly defeated conservative incumbent Joe Lieberman in the Connecticut Democratic primary. What do you think?
  • "I am happy to hear that Lieberman has decided to stay in the race as an independent. Sometimes voters are just being coy and don't really mean what they say."

    Alex Wilson Pension Planner
  • "Hooray! Ned Lamont won! My vote finally counted! Now, who is Ned Lamont?"

    Billy Vorlander Laser Printer Salesman
  • "Luckily, Lieberman can take comfort in the strong, able arms of George W. Bush. His gentle embrace will give solace, his warm lips succor. Lieberman will not suffer this grief alone."

    Leslie Waechter Purchasing Specialist

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