Lieberman Defeated in Primary

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Vol 42 Issue 32

Pluto Not A Planet?

Scientists from around the world are convening this week to decide whether or not Pluto fits the definition of a planet. What do you think?

Texas Penguin Truck Accident

Last week, a truck carrying exotic fish, penguins, and an octopus overturned on a Texas highway, spilling its cargo. What do you think?

New Terror Plot Stopped

The country's aviation system is on high orange alert after officials broke up an al Qaeda plot to blow set off homemade bombs on flights from London...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Lieberman Defeated in Primary

Challenger Ned Lamont narrowly defeated conservative incumbent Joe Lieberman in the Connecticut Democratic primary. What do you think?
  • "I am happy to hear that Lieberman has decided to stay in the race as an independent. Sometimes voters are just being coy and don't really mean what they say."

    Alex Wilson
    Pension Planner
  • "Hooray! Ned Lamont won! My vote finally counted! Now, who is Ned Lamont?"

    Billy Vorlander
    Laser Printer Salesman
  • "Luckily, Lieberman can take comfort in the strong, able arms of George W. Bush. His gentle embrace will give solace, his warm lips succor. Lieberman will not suffer this grief alone."

    Leslie Waechter
    Purchasing Specialist
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