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Life After Michael

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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Life After Michael

With Michael Jordan closing out what could be his last season, the NBA may soon have to face life without its biggest draw and greatest ambassador. What do you think about such a prospect?
  • "I will not watch NBA games when Michael Jordan retires. He is the only one who puts the ball in the hoop in a manner I enjoy."

    Jennifer Croydon Waitress
  • "I can't believe the NBA is going to retire Jordan. It's just another sad example of how the black man is mistreated in our society."

    Wayne Eccles Systems Analyst
  • "Perhaps the NBA could make up for the inevitable loss of revenue by selling some sort of merchandise."

    Richard Hooton Cinematographer
  • "Michael introduced me to something amazing, something I enjoy far more than anything else in the world—shooting kids for their shoes."

    Robert Zahn Electrician
  • "The real question is: What will the NBA do when Jud Buechler retires?"

    Aaron Milburn Telemarketer
  • "No one can take Michael's place: Shaquille O'Neal's commercials totally suck."

    Amanda Platt Graduate Student

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