Life After Saddam

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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Life After Saddam

With war imminent, President Bush and others are already discussing plans for a post-Saddam, U.S.-occupied Iraq. What do you think?
  • "I'm sure there are plenty of ambitious young despots out there who would jump at the chance to rule Iraq."

    Andrea Crim
    Teacher
  • "I just hope we don't see a repeat of that mess we made a few years back when we tried to install an American ruler in America."

    Bruce Wollensky
    Attorney
  • "Can't we just get CNN to run the place?"

    Martin Baines
    Systems Analyst
  • "Whatever happens, someone should be there to film the most touching moments."

    Meredith Hall
    Psychologist
  • "We should ask ourselves what we would want if Iraq was occupying the U.S."

    Ken Franklin
    Bus Driver
  • "Oh, man, we're not gonna make Iraq the 51st state, are we?"

    Dennis Doering
    Landscaper
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