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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Life Expectancy Falls

A study at the Harvard Global Health Initiative shows that, for a segment of the population, life expectancy is lower now that in was in the early '80s. What do you think?
  • "Wow, I'm glad my grandma died in the '80s!"

    Marvin Prieboy Makeup Salesperson
  • "Let's keep working to get it even lower. People over 30 make me sad."

    Kelly Ridgeway Systems Analyst
  • "Oh yeah? Well then how do you explain my mother, who was alive during both decades?"

    Richard Moreland Hunting Guide
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