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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Life Spans Fall For Low-Educated Whites

While the lives of the nation’s most highly educated have lengthened, the life expectancy for white Americans without a high school diploma has, since 1990, dropped by five years for women and three years for men, to 73.5 and 67.5 respectively. What do you think?

  • “Being white is hard.”

    Alexander Zelenev Truck Stop Proprietor
  • “Maybe they live just as long as everyone else, but they can’t count the years.”

    Hannah Wheeler Risk Management Specialist
  • “How much education do you need to not die?”

    Carter Oswald Pedicab Driver
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