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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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'Lincoln' Leads With 12 Oscar Nominations

The Steven Spielberg film Lincoln led the pack this year with 12 Academy Award nominations, including Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Actor for Daniel Day-Lewis. What do you think?

  • “Well, I’ll wait and see if it wins all 12 before I commit to watching.”

    Kent Lipschultz Veterans’ Counselor
  • “I’m not sure. The fact that I haven’t seen or even heard of Amour means it probably has the best chance of winning.”

    Hank Durst Knuckle Strap Sewer
  • “I’ve stopped paying attention since Agnes Moorehead was snubbed for Hush…Hush, Sweet Charlotte in 1964.”

    Sandy Hooper Torque Tester
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