adBlockCheck

Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
End Of Section
  • More News

LinkedIn Passwords Hacked

The professional social-networking site LinkedIn announced that some of its passwords had been leaked in a security breach. What do you think?

  • “Oh, no! That means someone might have gained access to all my public information.”

    Marty Katt Narcotics Investigator
  • "Enjoy reading the names of my work acquaintances while you still can, villains."

    Dean Wendt Chemical-Strength Tester
  • “I want to hear why the hackers did it, because they seem to be the only ones who see any value in my damn LinkedIn page.”

    Geri Moll Unemployed

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close