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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Lions, Tigers Killed In Ohio

After a man in Zanesville, OH released 56 exotic creatures—including lions, tigers, bears, and monkeys—and then took his own life, sheriff's deputies were forced to hunt down and in most cases kill the animals. What do you think?

  • "Will they be selling the meat? The man's, I mean. I could never eat an elephant."

    Brandi Washburn Systems Analust
  • "The guy could've killed two birds with one stone if he had just let the animals maul him a little on their way out."

    Lou Taylor Raveler
  • "'What kind of idiot opens a taxidermy shop in Zanesville?' they all said. Well, ha, ha, suckers!"

    Scott Ludington Taxidermist

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