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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Live-Action ‘Beauty And The Beast’ In The Works

Following the box-office success of the live-action films Maleficent, Oz: The Great and Powerful, and Alice in Wonderland, Disney has announced that it’s planning a live-action version of its 1991 animated classic Beauty and the Beast. What do you think?

  • “I’ve loved sharing the classic animated version with my daughter, and now I’m even more excited to deflate her sense of wonder with a grounded revisionist take.”

    Phillip Neil Office Furniture Shipper
  • “A live-action Lion King might be cool if the cast didn’t eat one another.”

    Janice Keuther Parachute Inspector
  • “Wait—Disney didn’t already release a new live-action version of Beauty and the Beast? Then what the hell did I just watch?”

    Ralph Purnhagen Systems Analyst
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