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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Live-Action ‘Beauty And The Beast’ In The Works

Following the box-office success of the live-action films Maleficent, Oz: The Great and Powerful, and Alice in Wonderland, Disney has announced that it’s planning a live-action version of its 1991 animated classic Beauty and the Beast. What do you think?

  • “I’ve loved sharing the classic animated version with my daughter, and now I’m even more excited to deflate her sense of wonder with a grounded revisionist take.”

    Phillip Neil Office Furniture Shipper
  • “A live-action Lion King might be cool if the cast didn’t eat one another.”

    Janice Keuther Parachute Inspector
  • “Wait—Disney didn’t already release a new live-action version of Beauty and the Beast? Then what the hell did I just watch?”

    Ralph Purnhagen Systems Analyst

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