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Lohan Banned From Hotel For $46,000 Unpaid Bill

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Lohan Banned From Hotel For $46,000 Unpaid Bill

Actress Lindsay Lohan has been banned from the chic Chateau Marmont hotel in Hollywood, where she lived during June and July, after failing to pay $46,350 in accommodations charges, room service, restaurant tabs, and cigarette and mini-bar fees. What do you think?

  • “That’s why my wife and I always make sure to use our AAA discount whenever we spend a few months living at the Chateau Marmont.”

    Penny Moore Manicurist
  • “The pay-per-view movies are where they get you.”

    Charles Machione Offset Duplicating Machine Operator
  • “What a cruel thing to do to the Chateau Marmont. They’re still trying to dig themselves out of the financial hole left by F. Scott Fitzgerald.”

    Wes Pulido Fishing Guide

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