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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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London Authorities Shut Off Springsteen, McCartney Mics

At a Bruce Springsteen concert in London’s Hyde Park on Saturday, local authorities shut off the power on stage to comply with a 10:30 p.m. curfew, cutting short the show’s finale, in which Paul McCartney performed alongside the Boss. What do you think?

  • “Fact: British people hate the Beatles.”

    Sarah Harmeyer Cooking Instructor
  • “I’m so glad I live in a city where no one polices the park at night.”

    Sean Diez Aeronautics Engineer
  • “Pshaw! A true rock ’n’ roller’s curfew runs until 11 p.m.”

    Jaewoo Kang Systems Analyst

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