London Authorities Shut Off Springsteen, McCartney Mics

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Vol 48 Issue 29

The Pretending Hour

NBC 9:00 p.m. EDT/8:00 p.m. CDT Two people dress up like investigators and pretend to track a made-up murderer with the help of costumes, fake guns, and names different than their birth names

Big Money!

Game Show 8:00 p.m. EDT/7:00 p.m. CDT Host Kirk Newcloud counts and stacks $100,000 cash on a table before an exultant studio audience.

Microsoft Announces First-Ever Quarterly Loss

Software giant Microsoft reported a quarterly loss for the first time since the company went public in 1986, losing $492 million in the most recent quarter due to a major write-down in its online division.
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Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Race Relations

London Authorities Shut Off Springsteen, McCartney Mics

At a Bruce Springsteen concert in London’s Hyde Park on Saturday, local authorities shut off the power on stage to comply with a 10:30 p.m. curfew, cutting short the show’s finale, in which Paul McCartney performed alongside the Boss. What do you think?

  • “Fact: British people hate the Beatles.”

    Sarah Harmeyer
    Cooking Instructor
  • “I’m so glad I live in a city where no one polices the park at night.”

    Sean Diez
    Aeronautics Engineer
  • “Pshaw! A true rock ’n’ roller’s curfew runs until 11 p.m.”

    Jaewoo Kang
    Systems Analyst
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