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North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Nuclear Warhead Thrilled For Chance To Finally Escape North Korea

PYONGYANG—Saying its spirits were immediately buoyed upon hearing Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un’s recent statement that the military was close to developing an intercontinental ballistic missile, a North Korean nuclear warhead reported Tuesday that it was thrilled for the chance to finally escape the country.

Pope Francis Carves Roast Cherub For Vatican Christmas Dinner

VATICAN CITY—After pulling a probe thermometer from its thigh and tasting a piece of crispy golden-brown skin, Pope Francis began carving a slow-roasted 18-pound cherub for the Vatican’s annual Christmas feast, sources within the Holy See reported Sunday.
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London Bombings

London subways and buses have been targeted in two subway attacks in recent weeks. What do you think?
  • "What? Did these madmen not hear the world denounce these acts just weeks ago?"

    Joshua Banks Veterinary Aid
  • "Well, it certainly led to a lot of poorly Photoshopped crying lions and unicorns in my e-mail."

    Derrick Powers Roofer
  • "The sad thing is, London may now develop anti-Pakistani racism for the first time in its history."

    Dalia Lofton Systems Analyst
  • "Whatever dangers London may face, I am confident that the strong leadership of Her Majesty the Queen can handle any challenge."

    Allen Ward Nurse
  • "Are the Brits flying into a blind rage and invading an oil-producing country for no reason? Well, why not?"

    Carolyn Allen Fire Inspector
  • "As an Irishman, I think whoever's behind this should be found and punished if it isn't us."

    Rodney Price Daycare Operator

More from this section

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.

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