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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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London Olympics Doesn't Have Enough Security Guards

Private security firm G4S informed British lawmakers that it would be unable to provide the 10,400 security guards it had promised for the upcoming summer Olympics, admitting that only 4,200 individuals had been trained as of Tuesday. What do you think?

  • “You wouldn’t have this kind of trouble in the United States, where the private sector runs everything with maximum efficiency.”

    Sara Lam Door Fitter
  • “At least they discovered this in time for everyone to be terrified during the games.”

    Emily Meadows Unemployed
  • “You know who had a lot of security guards at the Olympics? Hitler.”

    Phil Engel National Park Ranger
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