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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Loneliness Raises Risk Of Early Death

According to a new study by researchers at the University of Chicago, people age 55 and over who regularly feel lonely and isolated have a 14 percent higher risk of early death, partly because loneliness can lead to less restful sleep, high blood pressure, and diminished sense of well-being. What do you think?

  • “Well, at least nobody will miss them.”

    Jason Carpenter Unemployed
  • “This just tells us what we already knew: Practically anything kills the elderly.”

    Ruby Engels Massage Therapist
  • “So I should put my dad in a rest home? Got it. Thanks!”

    Grant Marksman Airline Luggage Assistant
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