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Politics

Trump’s Budget Proposal: What You Need To Know

President Trump has revealed his first budget blueprint, which contains $54 billion in cuts while accommodating increased spending on defense and security. The Onion details the major elements of Trump’s proposed budget:
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Long Lines Anticipated At Polls

Despite early voting, some are expecting a record turnout and long lines at polling places Tuesday. What do you think?
  • "Oh, I'm not worried about long lines. I always just show up with my hottest female friends and walk right up to the bouncer."

    Keith Berkowitz Dog Trainer
  • "If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you do it, too? And by that I mean I'm not voting."

    Campbell Rautenberg Bank Teller
  • "Well, the long lines will be because of election workers Iris and Mildred. This will be their 17th presidential election since retiring, and they're not as fast at going through the big book of names as they once were."

    Bill Newbrough Truck Driver
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