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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Long Lines Anticipated At Polls

Despite early voting, some are expecting a record turnout and long lines at polling places Tuesday. What do you think?
  • "Oh, I'm not worried about long lines. I always just show up with my hottest female friends and walk right up to the bouncer."

    Keith Berkowitz Dog Trainer
  • "If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you do it, too? And by that I mean I'm not voting."

    Campbell Rautenberg Bank Teller
  • "Well, the long lines will be because of election workers Iris and Mildred. This will be their 17th presidential election since retiring, and they're not as fast at going through the big book of names as they once were."

    Bill Newbrough Truck Driver

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